Copyright © 2008 Jason Nogaj
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"Two seventeen zero eight"
turned, twisted, smiled, laughed with tears building, raised my head only inches
to best myself to hear, listen, realize, soak up the lyrical genius hiding behind what some might call production value eating at the essence of emotion in a voice
that only god could have made
I close my eyes for they are no longer needed as I can forget all that I have seen if for whatever reason I should never use them to create or understand the truth
behind what is beauty
purging preconceived notions of everything that might have stood in the way before pressing play
turning, twisting, smiling with tears falling, raising my head a few more inches
to better allow myself the promise of creation spewing from such tiny little speakers
reverberating through my damaged ear drums hitting pitches on nerves firing inside my brain
wanting to become the very composition of C's and D's and G's
I am at a loss to express myself better then what she already has so I will lay rest a claim
to be more then what has already been the greatest ever made
turned, twisted, smiled with moist eyes, raising my head to a stop in agreeance
in this world anything can be anything you want it to be if you somehow can get out of your own way and let the music inside your soul be the soundtrack that
guides you on your way
turned, twisted, smiled, laughed with tears building, raised my head only inches
to best myself to hear, listen, realize, soak up the lyrical genius hiding behind what some might call production value eating at the essence of emotion in a voice
that only god could have made
I close my eyes for they are no longer needed as I can forget all that I have seen if for whatever reason I should never use them to create or understand the truth
behind what is beauty
purging preconceived notions of everything that might have stood in the way before pressing play
turning, twisting, smiling with tears falling, raising my head a few more inches
to better allow myself the promise of creation spewing from such tiny little speakers
reverberating through my damaged ear drums hitting pitches on nerves firing inside my brain
wanting to become the very composition of C's and D's and G's
I am at a loss to express myself better then what she already has so I will lay rest a claim
to be more then what has already been the greatest ever made
turned, twisted, smiled with moist eyes, raising my head to a stop in agreeance
in this world anything can be anything you want it to be if you somehow can get out of your own way and let the music inside your soul be the soundtrack that
guides you on your way
"I love myself"
love you with my every thing
this entirety of my existence
in every breath
in every thought
love you more then should be possible
across time and death and birth and this thing called life
with even more then these words could attempt to describe
love you in almost lost reflections of what might have been
if love weren't exactly what I was meant to find
in promises kept
in smiles that never end
in ways that only I could understand
love you more then pride
more then the hope that brings another beautiful day
much more then needs or wants
more then simplistic fading desires
I love you
in every heart beat
in every thing that these hands create
in everything these eyes see
I love you and you know it.
love you with my every thing
this entirety of my existence
in every breath
in every thought
love you more then should be possible
across time and death and birth and this thing called life
with even more then these words could attempt to describe
love you in almost lost reflections of what might have been
if love weren't exactly what I was meant to find
in promises kept
in smiles that never end
in ways that only I could understand
love you more then pride
more then the hope that brings another beautiful day
much more then needs or wants
more then simplistic fading desires
I love you
in every heart beat
in every thing that these hands create
in everything these eyes see
I love you and you know it.
"Human blind"
it's like the him's the her's
the you's the me's
the catastrophic moments that make the you now me
and vise versa
it's the story's the tale's
the road's the trail's
the emotional surrenders and sacrifices we both have made
it's the then the now
the when the how
the time wasted only to find the right way
in small ways we are very much the same
no matter what or who you are
or once were
or might become some day
it's the same you see
for it's red we bleed
it's oxygen we breathe
him or her or you or me
we aren't all so much different you see
as we all live and die as will you and most certainly me.
it's like the him's the her's
the you's the me's
the catastrophic moments that make the you now me
and vise versa
it's the story's the tale's
the road's the trail's
the emotional surrenders and sacrifices we both have made
it's the then the now
the when the how
the time wasted only to find the right way
in small ways we are very much the same
no matter what or who you are
or once were
or might become some day
it's the same you see
for it's red we bleed
it's oxygen we breathe
him or her or you or me
we aren't all so much different you see
as we all live and die as will you and most certainly me.
"Only just begun"
like lines drawn in the sand
paint drips from this empty hand
cautious enough to never implode
traveling down this winding road
stop my mind from thinking for a bit
just long enough to forget some shit
collect my body, arms, hand and all
pick myself back up from this temporary fall
for much ado about nothing this has become
as I realize the journey has only just begun.
like lines drawn in the sand
paint drips from this empty hand
cautious enough to never implode
traveling down this winding road
stop my mind from thinking for a bit
just long enough to forget some shit
collect my body, arms, hand and all
pick myself back up from this temporary fall
for much ado about nothing this has become
as I realize the journey has only just begun.
"What is free?"
I want to let go
let myself go
of everything
the things that follow me
what I have not been able to let fall to
the side
my addictions
things about me that I hate
memories
I want to let it all go
let it lose itself into who I have become
allow all of it to run its course
as I learn to forget
and forgive myself above all
I want to
and I not only can
but I will
not in due time
or for another day
but now, right now
I can
and I will
not in words or actions
nor with promises
or pent up in hopes and wishes
I simply will
I will
let go of what I no longer want
to what is already gone
and I'll smile
laugh when I know that I've won
against the battles made of my own
cause not only do I deserve it
but I've earned it and owe it to me
to finally for once
let me be free.
I want to let go
let myself go
of everything
the things that follow me
what I have not been able to let fall to
the side
my addictions
things about me that I hate
memories
I want to let it all go
let it lose itself into who I have become
allow all of it to run its course
as I learn to forget
and forgive myself above all
I want to
and I not only can
but I will
not in due time
or for another day
but now, right now
I can
and I will
not in words or actions
nor with promises
or pent up in hopes and wishes
I simply will
I will
let go of what I no longer want
to what is already gone
and I'll smile
laugh when I know that I've won
against the battles made of my own
cause not only do I deserve it
but I've earned it and owe it to me
to finally for once
let me be free.
"To be me"
I like the whoos and the yeahs
oh I do mightily
I like to smile
out wide with these pearly whites
very much, I do
I love to laugh
louder then anyone else
at secret jokes
more then anything else
I like the smirks
shining on this growing older face
ones that I can't get rid of
nor would I ever try to
I love to be me
99.9% of the time
I do , I really fucking do.
I like the whoos and the yeahs
oh I do mightily
I like to smile
out wide with these pearly whites
very much, I do
I love to laugh
louder then anyone else
at secret jokes
more then anything else
I like the smirks
shining on this growing older face
ones that I can't get rid of
nor would I ever try to
I love to be me
99.9% of the time
I do , I really fucking do.
"I'd"
I'd marry you in a second of a lifetime of last breathes
to make you smile for even one single second
so I could have memories that never have to end
only to watch in the middle of lost years
as you disappear slowly in front of my eyes
I'd still do it with nothing changed
if only to let you know just how much I do
love you without a single condition
here still today after the years have dwindled away
I still would if given the chance to let down these walls
so you could see the beauty hidden from everyone but you
I'd whisper words that only you and I understand
with promises that don't need to be said
in the middle of a fairy tale that can't possibly be true
if the fantasy were anyone but you and I
I'd stop my life and who I've become
to share the memories that have never gone astray
in the blink of a hearts beat full with butterflies
over the possibility of loving you one more time
In a dream like state of perpetual joy
I'd wrap you within my flesh as I've done countless times before
in the drop of a moments notice here today
If I could hear your voice one last time
tell me that after all this time you still feel the same
I'd give more then I am willing to admit
far more then words could ever communicate
I truly honestly would
give my heart to you one more time
even when I know it can't possibly exist.
I'd marry you in a second of a lifetime of last breathes
to make you smile for even one single second
so I could have memories that never have to end
only to watch in the middle of lost years
as you disappear slowly in front of my eyes
I'd still do it with nothing changed
if only to let you know just how much I do
love you without a single condition
here still today after the years have dwindled away
I still would if given the chance to let down these walls
so you could see the beauty hidden from everyone but you
I'd whisper words that only you and I understand
with promises that don't need to be said
in the middle of a fairy tale that can't possibly be true
if the fantasy were anyone but you and I
I'd stop my life and who I've become
to share the memories that have never gone astray
in the blink of a hearts beat full with butterflies
over the possibility of loving you one more time
In a dream like state of perpetual joy
I'd wrap you within my flesh as I've done countless times before
in the drop of a moments notice here today
If I could hear your voice one last time
tell me that after all this time you still feel the same
I'd give more then I am willing to admit
far more then words could ever communicate
I truly honestly would
give my heart to you one more time
even when I know it can't possibly exist.
"La la la..."
La la lament me as the king of
sour intentions bleeding onto
carpets soiled with unused children
walking in steady down pours of
affection tickling this spine
crown thy misogynistic swelling too big for these drape
pools of velvet over flesh clinging to
the next greatest best
La La label me as the second coming of the first
twelve hundred times more
sugar sweet candy coated
unabashed in all divinity to
walk on wine spilt in jest
La La lavish upon thy with
flesh boiling over ungodly needs
total in the totality of laughter sent
to ease the darkness fallen over
all needs meant to never make sense
La La laugh with me
as I shall hope we can all
make light of simple little scrupulous jokes.
La la lament me as the king of
sour intentions bleeding onto
carpets soiled with unused children
walking in steady down pours of
affection tickling this spine
crown thy misogynistic swelling too big for these drape
pools of velvet over flesh clinging to
the next greatest best
La La label me as the second coming of the first
twelve hundred times more
sugar sweet candy coated
unabashed in all divinity to
walk on wine spilt in jest
La La lavish upon thy with
flesh boiling over ungodly needs
total in the totality of laughter sent
to ease the darkness fallen over
all needs meant to never make sense
La La laugh with me
as I shall hope we can all
make light of simple little scrupulous jokes.
"Don't look at me"
Don't look at me
please
don't look at me
please
with them eyes
that melt my heart
dead in place
moving pressures against love
exploding in my chest
Please
don't look at me
please
don't look my way
please
with them looks
that make a man want to die
here, right now
reading your dirtiest thoughts
with one glance
heat rising above normal
we are you, me, us
Don't look at me
please
don't look at me
please
with them eyes
with them intentions
with my heart
in your eyes
Please don't look at me
Don't look at me
please
don't look at me
please
with them eyes
that melt my heart
dead in place
moving pressures against love
exploding in my chest
Please
don't look at me
please
don't look my way
please
with them looks
that make a man want to die
here, right now
reading your dirtiest thoughts
with one glance
heat rising above normal
we are you, me, us
Don't look at me
please
don't look at me
please
with them eyes
with them intentions
with my heart
in your eyes
Please don't look at me
"4th cycle spin mode"
got a bad rash of workitis
can't seem to get this ass up and out
of the warmth covering my need to procrastinate
three days and ain't a damn thing done
but I won't shed no tears of spoiled spilled milk
collecting ants from this butt fuck cold
I lazily press another cycle on the washing machine
cause I can't bring myself to move it inches into the dryer
I'm a lost cause sitting here knowing that s will hit the fan
if I don't complete once single task
other then following the mantra of sleep, eat, shit
wasting 4 long days in the face of just 3 more days
till I find myself at this once again
putting so far out that I might never win
over this inhibition to not give a flying fuck
if I have food to eat
clean socks upon my feet
if I smell clean or stink
cause what it boils down to is me
cause ain't nobody going to see
or smell the disdain for motivation
to pull a finger to spark the fart
that might get me up out of this, ten feet deep
Awe fuck it, I'm going back to sleep.
got a bad rash of workitis
can't seem to get this ass up and out
of the warmth covering my need to procrastinate
three days and ain't a damn thing done
but I won't shed no tears of spoiled spilled milk
collecting ants from this butt fuck cold
I lazily press another cycle on the washing machine
cause I can't bring myself to move it inches into the dryer
I'm a lost cause sitting here knowing that s will hit the fan
if I don't complete once single task
other then following the mantra of sleep, eat, shit
wasting 4 long days in the face of just 3 more days
till I find myself at this once again
putting so far out that I might never win
over this inhibition to not give a flying fuck
if I have food to eat
clean socks upon my feet
if I smell clean or stink
cause what it boils down to is me
cause ain't nobody going to see
or smell the disdain for motivation
to pull a finger to spark the fart
that might get me up out of this, ten feet deep
Awe fuck it, I'm going back to sleep.
"Sensuality, slightly"
tongues slither across great divides
to come together in seas of pure passion
sliding back against flesh melting
into oceans of inhibitions eroding away
come crashing into me inside
bound by animalistic intentions
watching your soul exhaling in ecstasy
sweat washing away all the obstacles
clearing the path for you and me
to intertwine among such delicate appetites
hands to mouth inside out and all over
increasing with each ensuing movement
muted by the inclination to watch your face as you evolve
from human to orgasm form
in grand construction you erupt over me
twitching and shaking uncontrollably
as I direct my revolution to complete the circle
with a smile and a kiss we evanesce into or own bliss
lacking in apologies as two no longer are one.
tongues slither across great divides
to come together in seas of pure passion
sliding back against flesh melting
into oceans of inhibitions eroding away
come crashing into me inside
bound by animalistic intentions
watching your soul exhaling in ecstasy
sweat washing away all the obstacles
clearing the path for you and me
to intertwine among such delicate appetites
hands to mouth inside out and all over
increasing with each ensuing movement
muted by the inclination to watch your face as you evolve
from human to orgasm form
in grand construction you erupt over me
twitching and shaking uncontrollably
as I direct my revolution to complete the circle
with a smile and a kiss we evanesce into or own bliss
lacking in apologies as two no longer are one.
"Intercontinental love song"
Sitting on a hand of forced needs
You tried
With them pockets full of lies
I watched them go
Bye
Breathing on my own
Lost everything
Still eating them lies
As I feel them move through me
And go
Bye
living for the next pain
you tried to force your needs
but they died beneath the
lies
Sitting on a hand of forced needs
You tried
With them pockets full of lies
I watched them go
Bye
Breathing on my own
Lost everything
Still eating them lies
As I feel them move through me
And go
Bye
living for the next pain
you tried to force your needs
but they died beneath the
lies
and I say bye
not a good, just bye......
Sitting on a hand of forced needs
You tried
With them pockets full of lies
I watched them go
Bye
Breathing on my own
Lost everything
Still eating them lies
As I feel them move through me
And go
Bye
living for the next pain
you tried to force your needs
but they died beneath the
lies
Sitting on a hand of forced needs
You tried
With them pockets full of lies
I watched them go
Bye
Breathing on my own
Lost everything
Still eating them lies
As I feel them move through me
And go
Bye
living for the next pain
you tried to force your needs
but they died beneath the
lies
and I say bye
not a good, just bye......
"Miles upon Miles in the middle of somewhere"
Standing in the middle of nowhere
on a stretch of Highway 1 that obviously does not exist
traveling to a place I've never been
without a plan or money
I look out into the ocean
as far as my eyes will allow me to see
tranquil peace blankets my entire body
noticing that my heart has always been here
on this lone stretch of Highway 1
sitting on a rail with my feet dangling 100 feet above
I feel freedom and death knocking at the door
in the middle of nowhere
alone in my own sense of perfection
watching the waves crashing against my choices
to give in or see what is next
as the wind pushed me towards resolution
I feel myself more alive then ever
as I close the door behind me
to see what I might find
in the middle of nowhere
I am closer then ever.
Standing in the middle of nowhere
on a stretch of Highway 1 that obviously does not exist
traveling to a place I've never been
without a plan or money
I look out into the ocean
as far as my eyes will allow me to see
tranquil peace blankets my entire body
noticing that my heart has always been here
on this lone stretch of Highway 1
sitting on a rail with my feet dangling 100 feet above
I feel freedom and death knocking at the door
in the middle of nowhere
alone in my own sense of perfection
watching the waves crashing against my choices
to give in or see what is next
as the wind pushed me towards resolution
I feel myself more alive then ever
as I close the door behind me
to see what I might find
in the middle of nowhere
I am closer then ever.
"Psalm for me (23)"
Creation is my shepherd;I shall not fight.
He maketh me to write and paint in poorly lit garages:
He leadeth me beside the rushing colors.
he restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of recognition for my name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the galleries of the midtown of Sacramento, I will fear no criticism; for thou art is me; thy brush and thy canvas comfort me.
Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine critics: thou anointest my hands with dollars; my pockets runneth over.
Surely praise and adulation shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of creation forever.
Creation is my shepherd;I shall not fight.
He maketh me to write and paint in poorly lit garages:
He leadeth me beside the rushing colors.
he restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of recognition for my name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the galleries of the midtown of Sacramento, I will fear no criticism; for thou art is me; thy brush and thy canvas comfort me.
Thou preparest a table for me in the presence of mine critics: thou anointest my hands with dollars; my pockets runneth over.
Surely praise and adulation shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of creation forever.
if the f's never lent a helping hand
we'd only be ucked up today
and that don't seem too bad
F this and f that
if the f's ran and hid
things would only be orever
and that don't seem too long now does it?
if the f's took an absence
we might not ever ight
and who needs that anyway
with everything already being too hard
if the f's turned into l's
then what the uck could mean good luck
as it always seems to be when we are in bed
so f this and f that
but we wouldn't want to loose you orever
cause lorever just don't sound right
and I'd miss you f cause l aint' my rife
so if the f's took a vacation
I'd really hope it ain't for fucking ever
cause fuck this and fuck that
if the l's turned back into f's
we might be able to make up after we fight
and make love and fuck and you get the idea
if only f's were not always so bright in the light.
"7:13PM"
So you say,
"I've never seen a man cry"
well obviously we've never shared tender precious moments
alone in the middle of the night
pouring or hearts out into the open flame
giving you the option to burn me of my secrets
I say," You don't know me well, do you?"
for my soul runs deeper then even I could know
constantly willing to throw my tired broken heart into the ring
open my life to another human being
as you stop me in with a brief sigh,
"I sure would like to, someday"
as I take a cautious breath
borderline upon making an offer I would only refuse
you sense my apprehensions to drop my borders
"Jason, when the time is right"
my eyes bright with youthful recollections
of those that have taken the time to find out
for my mind is endless but no match for my soul
which pales in comparison to this heart so easy for the taking
I speak, "What time do you have to be at work"
you tell me,
"I could always call in"
so with that and a few drinks we embark
towards what I do not know
but as sure as my name
my original question won't be answered the same.
So you say,
"I've never seen a man cry"
well obviously we've never shared tender precious moments
alone in the middle of the night
pouring or hearts out into the open flame
giving you the option to burn me of my secrets
I say," You don't know me well, do you?"
for my soul runs deeper then even I could know
constantly willing to throw my tired broken heart into the ring
open my life to another human being
as you stop me in with a brief sigh,
"I sure would like to, someday"
as I take a cautious breath
borderline upon making an offer I would only refuse
you sense my apprehensions to drop my borders
"Jason, when the time is right"
my eyes bright with youthful recollections
of those that have taken the time to find out
for my mind is endless but no match for my soul
which pales in comparison to this heart so easy for the taking
I speak, "What time do you have to be at work"
you tell me,
"I could always call in"
so with that and a few drinks we embark
towards what I do not know
but as sure as my name
my original question won't be answered the same.
"Othelia"
I cry for Othelia as her children are lost
with tears of wine, salt and rum
in misery dreamnt from outer space
circling the ill will of a thousand dead slaves
posting on the internet oft too much
for broken eyes can no longer see shame
tangling in dirty sheets over windows with no view
I cry longing for Othelia although we've never met
understanding the reasons that few could ever get
holding torches to light the way to the ultimate sacrifice of demise
the music no longer easing the pain in a 12 by 9
with letters of condemnation where she used to plant flowers
Oh Othelia, I want to help you in this world
but it's no longer meant to hold killers like you
sentenced for what the state called cruel and unusual
I shall place my opinions to the back of the line
as I read of how you burned at the stake for unfortunate events
I cry for you but I feel for your kids.
I cry for Othelia as her children are lost
with tears of wine, salt and rum
in misery dreamnt from outer space
circling the ill will of a thousand dead slaves
posting on the internet oft too much
for broken eyes can no longer see shame
tangling in dirty sheets over windows with no view
I cry longing for Othelia although we've never met
understanding the reasons that few could ever get
holding torches to light the way to the ultimate sacrifice of demise
the music no longer easing the pain in a 12 by 9
with letters of condemnation where she used to plant flowers
Oh Othelia, I want to help you in this world
but it's no longer meant to hold killers like you
sentenced for what the state called cruel and unusual
I shall place my opinions to the back of the line
as I read of how you burned at the stake for unfortunate events
I cry for you but I feel for your kids.
"Jamais"
You'll never know
because I'll never tell
a single soul
you or anyone else
in this lifetime
perhaps even in the next
my lips will stay sealed
through all eternity
You will never know
You'll never know
You will never know
You'll never know
because I'll never tell
a single soul
you or anyone else
in this lifetime
perhaps even in the next
my lips will stay sealed
through all eternity
You will never know
You'll never know
You will never know
never, ever
never
forever
and ever
You will never know
You'll never know
because I'll never tell
a single soul
you or anyone else
in this lifetime
perhaps even in the next
my lips will stay sealed
through all eternity
You will never know
You'll never know
You will never know
You'll never know
because I'll never tell
a single soul
you or anyone else
in this lifetime
perhaps even in the next
my lips will stay sealed
through all eternity
You will never know
You'll never know
You will never know
never, ever
never
forever
and ever
You will never know